Support a family
The future father-in-law1 asks, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be2 replies, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves3."
Office staff memo4! (Part 2)
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
All employees will take their holidays at the same time every year. The holidays are January 1st and December 25th.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted5 time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may exchange their time with a co-worker6. Both employees' supervisors7 must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract8, the door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence9, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board10 under the "Chronic Offenders11" category.
1 father-in-law - тесть
2 groom-to-be - будущий жених
3 to fend for oneself - заботиться о себе
4 staff memo - служебная памятка
5 allotted time - выделенное время
6 co-worker - сотрудник
7 supervisor - надзиратель, руководитель
8 To retract - сворачиваться
9 Offence - нарушение
10 Bulletin board - доска объявлений
11 Chronic Offenders - рецидивисты