Office staff memo1! (Part 1)
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Adidas trainers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume2 you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise3.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and there- fore you do not need a raise.
If you dress in-between you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as a proof 4of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee5 here, you need all your organs. You should not remove anything. We hired you intact6. To have something removed is a breach of employment7.
1 staff memo - служебная памятка
2 to assume - полагать
3 a raise - повышение
4 proof - доказательство
5 an employee - служащий
6 We hired you intact. - Мы наняли вас целиком.
7 is a breach of employment - является нарушением трудового договора