Chinese man with a parrot
A Chinese man walks into a shop with a parrot on his shoulder, and the shopkeeper says, "Where did you get that?"
And the parrot says, "China, there're millions of them there."
Father and son
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade1 his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament2:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot3. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the bodies.
At 4:00 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
1 to spade - вскапывать лопатой
2 predicament - затруднительное положение
3 garden plot - огород