I am not listening
Mother asks her son who is reading a book, "What are you reading, dear?"
"I don't know," answers the boy.
"How, dear? You are reading aloud1, so you must know."
"Yes, mummy, I am reading aloud, but I am not listening!" explains2 the child.
I am going to a lecture!
The man was in no shape to drive3, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily4 along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture," the man said.
"And who is going to give you a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
1 aloud - вслух
2 to explain - объяснять
3 in no shape to drive - в неподходящем для вождения состоянии
4 unsteadily - нетвердо