Jimmy: I saw a mouse in the milk pail1, daddy.
Father: Well, did you take the mouse out?
Jimmy: No, daddy. But I threw our cat in!
An old man in Austin calls his son in Dodge City (Kansas). The conversation goes as follows2.
Dad: Son, I hate to bring you the bad news... but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce3...
Son: What??? You can't! What about -
Dad: I'm sorry son! 45 years of misery4 is enough!!! Now, I am sick of talking about it5, call your sister and tell her! (Click)
The son, nearly in tears6, calls his sister in New Orleans. The conversation goes as follows.
Brother: Sis, you are not gonna believe this! Mom and dad are getting a... a... divorce!
Sister: What?!? Oh no! They aren't! You stay put!7 I'll call you right back! (Click)
The sister calls the parents in Austin and the conversation goes as follows.
Daughter: You two are not getting a divorce!
Dad: Honey, listen -
Daughter: No you listen! You are not getting a divorce! You know what? You don't do anything! I'm calling brother back, we'll be there the day after tomorrow! Don't do anything! (Click)
The father hangs up calmly and bounces his newspaper to align it to his liking8. He looks at his wife and says, "Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving9 and are paying their own fares10, what shall we tell them on Christmas?"
1 pail - ведро
2 as follows - следующим образом
3 to get a divorce - разводиться
4 misery - страдание
5 I'm sick of talking about it - я устал говорить об этом
6 nearly in tears - почти в слезах
7 You stay put! - Ты оставайся на месте!
8 to align it to his liking - чтобы приспoсобить поудобнее
9 Thanksgiving (day) - День благодарения
10 paying their own fares - сами оплачивают проезд