At the lesson
Nick: Will you punish a boy for something that he didn't do?
Teacher: You know, Nick, I never punish children for something like this. And why do you ask?
Nick: I didn't do my homework.
The perfect girl, just like my mom
Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already got married, and Jimmy just dates1 and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular?2 Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests3, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear mother?"
Many weeks go by, and again Jimmy and his friend get together. "So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?"
Jimmy shrugs his shoulders4, "Yes I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they quickly became friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my father can't stand her!"
1 to date - встречаться, ходить на свидания
2 Are you that particular? - Ты что, настолько привередливый?
3 to suggest - предлагать
4 to shrug one's shoulders - пожимать плечами