Chocolate in the darkness
Mother: I left two chocolate bars in the cupboard this morning, Tommy. Now I can see only one. How can this be?
Tommy: Mummy, it was so dark that I just didn't see the other chocolate bar.
Kissing in the dark
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage1 in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. Then there was the kissing noise2 and the sound of a really loud slap3. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking, "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer, and she missed him and slapped me instead." Claudia Schiffer was thinking, "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it." And the Irishman was thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English mongrel4 again."
1 carriage - вагон
2 kissing noise - звук поцелуя
3 slap - шлепок
4 mongrel - дворняжка